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Imagine bathing in a source of unwavering loyalty. I was an overeducated black woman with good credit, no kids, who was 20 years his senior - I should have known better. Turning 42 brought on self-criticism and disappointment that flowered like a bruise. Worst of all: the age-appropriate men I had dated. They wanted a full program of cock-centric sex, custody days with their soccer-loving kids, and Guitar Hero nights with their power-nerd friends who would not let me play the tortured Amy Winehouse songs. After that breakup, I vowed to never make a submissive deal for love again.
After that breakup, I vowed to never make a submissive deal for love again. The forces of solitude were crushing me when the damp-sky summer began.
I was haunting a corner market designed to look like a Gold Rush general store, buying the cheapest bottle of Pinot Noir and a sushi platter for one, when out of nowhere the bearded guy working the register asked me to dinner. What I did was relax, letting myself simply be worshipped.
Seriously though, don't
Then he told me that his worst day had been when his mother sexually abused him. She was an addict and pretty much my contemporary. So Oedipus had been introduced in Act One.
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What was even more revealing was when he shared his history with older women: his last serious girlfriend was almost my age. She had three strokes while carrying his child. He left her during a tense recovery, when the healthy baby and the infirm mother both needed someone to wipe their tushies. Hopelessness set in. Tempers flared. As Nietzsche said, sometimes we show compassion to the unlucky because we are just glad it is not us.
So I kept ordering Pinots, observing this tragic man, slightly buoyed by how I was faring much better than him and the women who had encountered him.
Soon, I was drunk. And as I made out with him while waiting for my Lyft Line to arrive, my brain suddenly snapped awake to this blunder. When I got home, I texted to say there would be no second date.
It felt like some meerkat, dominant-female bullshit - my manager was also in the room, but I got all the abuse. Suddenly, I needed glorifying. I texted the year-old. He met me at an Ethiopian lounge near my house. For the next two months, he would greet me outside my office, tell me I looked cute, take my hand, and guide me through grimy streets like a crossing guard does a school child. By date five, he had said he loved me. If a stress pimple exploded on my temple and bled, he would fit a tiny Band-Aid over it and coo at me.
In bed, he was as careful and attentive as someone preparing a body for burial. Why did I join up with this guy? Maybe I wanted to be the self-centered asshole in a relationship. I crabbed at him all the time. Older men if you love to just. They'll make you, treasuresforthesoul.com, many points on point.
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