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One caller named Jasminder asserts that when Param came down, it became more like a comedy show and less like a dating show given how the women and audience reacted. Something about this discussion hit home for me. Back in , I discussed some of my challenges when it came to dating and insecurity in my post about dharis:. These are the messages we get from our peers and from the media every day. So naturally I assumed it was highly unlikely that any of my female classmates would ever be interested in dating someone like me. The combination of a dirty face plus a patka was enough to cause a whole lot of anxiety and insecurity for this angsty teenage Singh.
I've always been surrounded by men who wear their turbans with confidence and pride and have never used it as an inhibition. However, i also understand that experiences with bullying and other forms of discrimination impact an individual's self-confidence, so i wish there was a way to address that in the community.
Yes, wearing a turban and keeping your kesh is a huge barrier when it comes to dating within the Sikh community. In other words, they probably don't view kesh and a pag as something that is desirable but it's not a deal-breaker and they are willing to "overlook" it. The percentage of Sikh women who actually prefer a sardar is negligible.
I am sure that there will be many posts after mine claiming that my assertion is false.
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But keep in mind that most people who read blogs like this are people who go out of their way to connect with other "religious" Sikhs. They then think that their social circle reflects the larger reality, and they lose sight of what the majority of the Sikh community is really like. The fact is, the vast majority of Sikhs living in the west come from families where no men keep their hair expect maybe a grandfather.
When Sikh women from such a background see a sardar, they don't see him as one of their own. He is some strange, backwards "other. Yes, there are exceptions. You will occasionally meet a girl from a "clean shaven" family who is exceptionally open-minded and will be open to talking to a Singh.
It's amusing how it will be brought up during a conversation out of the blue.
89 Responses to "The trials and tribulations of dating while Sikh" Most Sikh guys due to their negative attitude would have assumed that only a few if any would have kept their lights on in the first place. The Black girl Tasha when asked about why she kept her light on thought that Param was confident coming on with a bright red turban. Apr 18, This is coming from someone who has dated a few white women in his life. And in no way do I constitute this as an achievement. They were all part of my journey irrespective of race. Honestly, first, you've got to ask yourself this question - why w. You Dating A Sikh Woman are also Dating A Sikh Woman correct that most women would really prefer to have a relationship than casual sex. The solution is to dress nice, appear charming and funny, be completely honest about your intentions and be ready to spend Dating A Sikh Woman like a drunken sailor/
And the questions the girls usually ask make it seem like they are interviewing an alien from another planet. I'm not trying to be critical of such girls, as it's not their fault they haven't been exposed to sardars, and it is commendable that they are being open-minded. But it just goes to highlight how differently they view you.
That is a big hurdle to get over if you are trying to establish some sort of relationship.
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So that leaves girls from "sardar families". No problem right? I always hear from people, "why are you considering girls from non-religious families?
They just say "find a girl from a sardar family. First of all, "sardar families" are far and few in between in America. Second, if you look around, you'll notice that it is very, very common to see a "sardar family" where the father and mother and sons keep their kesh, but the daughters have cut hair.
You see this all the time. Such a girl is going to attract attention from sardars and clean-shaven guys alike. She doesn't keep her own hair, so she doesn't feel restricted to looking for a guy who keeps his. And she's going to notice that every Singh living in the area will seem to have interest in her, since she's such a rarity a girl who, by virtue of the fact that her dad and brother keep their hair, might just be open to dating a Singh.
Consequently, she will likely form a less-than-favorable view of Singhs. Why would she want to give the time of day to the kinds of guys who seem desperate and are lining up for her?
Anyway, what people often overlook in their criticism of sardars who consider girls with cut hair in their search is that there are a lot more guys in the west who keep their hair than there are girls. Where are all those guys supposed to look? I grew up in Central India, but perhaps first time experienced the repulsion from women of all ages when living in Bombay, including at my work place.
I should say that after my colleagues came to know me their behavior changed dramatically. So I believe women who have not come across Sikh men do feel intimidated by the mere appearance of Sikhs. However things may be changing in India as several young men all Keshdhari of my extended family have married to Non-Sikh girls. On the other hand one comes across several young Sikh women, whose father and brothers are Keshdhari, opting for clean-shaven match.
Having been brought up in a western culture, my parents have taught me well about my culture and I'm proud of who I am.
Having read everyone's comments it comes across girls are only being blamed for not considering men that wears pugs when it comes to dating or marriage. I beg to differ.
I belong to a Sikh family and no men in my family wears Pugh or has dhari. When dating I never differentiated, as it was more important to me that I find a partner who is honest and genuine. Everytime I got introduced to a guy with a turban, he always felt the need to confirm if I was aware he's not clean shaven- to me that's already him feeling inferior even though I had no issues.
Whilst engaged to a guy from a Pugh family I was constantly looked down, reminded of that I didn't come from one, to a point that I was asked to get the men in my family to keep kesh. This was just so that they can show off in the society that they got a girl from a similar background and to more so to keep them happy. Eventually the wedding got called off due to the differences.
Not all the girls are the same- we shouldn't go around painting them with the same brush. If we can accept you regardless of what image you have, we should also equally be accepted regardless of which family we come from. It's an interesting one. In most cases the first time people outside the community meet a sardar some freak out but as you get to know them the perception changes, they are wonderful people and its our job as individuals to make it so.
Somewhere along the line, the perception of turbaned sikhs with beards in the community has been made where people think Singhs are xyz which we know is not necessarily true but based on ones interaction with sikhs before may have influenced their thoughts. When I was in high school there was a lot of talks about SP, fundamental Singhs etc where a lot of people did think that turbaned sikhs with beards are hardcore religious people, which for a lot of people in that age group was a negative.
Now this same generation has grown up and looking to get married but many still hold on to this experience which makes them think sardars may be hardcore and very religious. Do girls feel they have to be a certain way if they hook up with a Singh? Obviously not all but many do even though they won't admit this.
When it comes to the question of trim Singhs, some girls feel that these guys are more modern, chilled, not so religious and feel they can be themselves and hence opt for this option. Outside the community it is common to be clean shaven, its portrayed as the "IN" thingjust look at commercials and the shows that come on etc.
The time we are in at the moment is so much about "Looking good" or projecting this image. In mainstream media, turbans and beards are not the "IN" thing it will be one day again like it once was when the Khalsa came about, but not yet. We do look good, but its early and at the moment we look different, its un-familiar so its uncertain. Think about the association game, what does a turban or even a bearded man mean to people generally, its not mainstream and hence very early.
We shouldn't be upset and should not think that the fate of the community depends all on one guy who came on a TV dating show. There is always a benefit in something that is seen as a negative and a drawback in something that is seen as positive. If not we need more exposure in many different ways so that the turban and beard becomes familiar and eventually trusted. But for this to happen it has come into the public eye.
However, a big part of this also depends on the individual and his own self image. Most people bring forth their own insecurities and feel more for themselves then the other person. Something inside makes them think that they will be the ones that will get picked on or be seen in a different way.
But it has to be realised that what you think about you bring about and what you think and feel is what you manifest in your reality. People have preferences, but whats more powerful is if people can see how these were formed in the first place. Once they understand this then what they see will be seen in a totally different light. Its up to turbaned and bearded sikhs to make sure they can integrate, be a part of the community, and been seen for who they are and not what they look like.
But all this will come with time, education and exposure to the mainstream. In once sense its is a trend, its just not in at the moment. When this false perception is broken it will open up a lot of doors, but until then we have to solider on and contribute and make way for what's yet to come and be part of the process like many others before us.
Build relationships with people. Even with potential partners. Leave all people inspired and make sure they see you and not something fake. Trust this process and with this approach anyone can like you. Interestingly, the Sikh's appearance and behavior on that show was criticized by many Sikhs for being "unbecoming" of someone with a turban and beard.
So, while some might consider such a person unattractive for wearing these articles, there are also competing expectations applied around how one will vs. I would just like to reiterate that a turban is not an indicator of the wearer's morals, purity, honour or attractiveness.
The World Sikh Organization has proven this fact.
Alternatively, a lack of a turban also does not indicate the absense of these characterstics"Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people living for today.
Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the people living life in peace" -Jon Lennon. This will and always has been a hot topic. Twenty out of the thirty women turned their lights off when Param stepped out, while it is a possiblity this might have occurred because of his turban and beard; clean shaven men have gone through similar rejection because of appearance.
As Jatinder mentioned, we're in a time where it's important to "look good" and currently beards and turbans are not what many perceive as "looking good". This isn't true in all cases though, we can't make a generalization about all women. Having also been brought up in a western culture and not having much interest in pursuing Sikhi, my parents very much coerced us into keeping our hair, doing paat, going to punjabi school as any Sikh parent should do.
And then at a certain point in my life I was the young rebellious girl with cut hair who lived among a father, a mother, and brothers who had uncut hair.
Developing in a family with men who wear turbans vs. In my situation, my siblings and I always argued with our parents to allow us to cut our hair, we had no purpose in keeping it. Now many may think since I myself wanted to trim my hair that I must want to only date someone who is also clean shaven. I made the decision of cutting my hair not because I wanted to impress others but for mere fact that I did. Throughout the years I also came to understand my brothers perspective.
As stated above many perceive bearded men with turbans as extremely religious, but raised with the brothers I had, I know not everybody is. Someone who is clean shaven can transpire to be considerably religious than someone who isn't. All I know is that I have met and seen many attractive men who wear turbans and carry a full beard. I do not believe facial hair is gross, unattractive, or unclean, unless you make it appear that way.
I also commend all of the women who don't see that as a barrier to start a relationship. One thing that always annoys me is that whenever somebody posts a topic like this, suddenly all the anonymous internet girls come flooding with responses like "no way!
As a Sikh with a Turban and beard granted it is trimme I can tell you from first-hand experience that women, both sikh and non-sikh, will be attracted to you. Of course, this isn't to say that every girl will fall in love with you at first sight, but it does mean that if you have the confidence then there is no reason why you shouldn't be successful at finding a partner. I've been rejected before because of my Turban, but I've also been showered with compliments for it.
I think a lot of the problem comes from wearing a patka as a child and growing up in an environment where your confidence is attacked. If you are confident in your appearance and aren't afraid of the rejection that ALL men will face sikh, non-sikh, turban, beard, and clean-shave alikeI assure you that you will have success at some level.
Countless Sikh guys do sleep around with Western women and leave them after they have had their pleasure. Since many Western women too are attracted to Sikh guys and find them exotic and Sikh guys dating White women is indeed higher than Hindus guys dating Sikh girls Sikh girls dating Hindu men are much higher than Hindu girls dating Sikh men Sikh girls sleeping around with Hindu guys is much higher than the other way around And hence Sikhi is in a decline Jul 3, 3 0.
We have paid a huge price for it.
There are proofs of their meetings and talking about how their appearance will attract Sikh youth any how. How many hells from other religions will prey upon our families if we give into such falseness? The Sikh youth and Sikh communities over all need to fall in love with Sikhi and not just make it all about outer appearance. It is pathetic to give Sikh girls such a pathetic place that even predators could think that the Sikh girls will be attracted to them any how.
The Sikh youth needs to be educated about Sikhi and have more communication with their families. So you are ok if many Sikh Women sleep around Hindu Men? It's none of my business. Ishna Enthusiast Writer. May 9, 3, 5, Isn't so many Sikh women sleeping around with their Hindu boyfriends going against Sikhism And so many Sikh girls date Hindu guys and this trend is increasing as time goes by Sikh girls just don't want to date a Sikh guy.
I Turbanedtiger said:. I A I don't believe it to be a true statement B define sikh C why are you only calling out women.
Mar 07, We need to address dating issues because it is the source of much of the angst experienced by our youth. My conclusion that a Sikh young man will not be confident with his identity until he is comfortable with the dating scene and has the confidence that he is as attractive as any other male of the species. May 04, guys, Even in Colleges or offices if u see u will find hardly any Sikh girl or no Sikh Girl dating Sikh guys but we only see Beautiful Sikh girls dating and later marrying Hindu guys, the worst part is Sikh girls make fun of Sikh guys for being fuddu or . Single Sikhs - find single sikh girls and guys. Filters guys girls Order By: Loading members of the community. Please wait. indian pakistani bangladeshi afghani. Filter Results. Religion. Atheist. Christian. Hindu. Muslim. Sikh More Community Specific Dating Sites for Singles.
Ishna said:. The only rules regarding sexual conduct that Sikhi gives to Sikhs are in the Rehat Maryada, and they are that no one can have sex before marriage, and that Sikh women should marry Sikh men written as a lovely double-standard.
Are you sure you want to rely on this? People need to stop trying to control everyone else and focus on controlling their own selves. How can you call our Guru's words as double standards?
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