Consider, that dating borderline personality girl your phrase useful
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At The Borderline . All beginnings are lovely - or so the sage proclaims. Relationships per se are difficult. Two individuals come together - attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment, and lifestyles collide - and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship. Remember we all have personality traits, which does not make us personality disordered.
There are times [when our relationship] has plummeted to the depths whereby we were both ready to give up. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down inside.
Those moments are what the person longs for. Still, to Paddy, it is worth it. But it is nowhere near as hard as being the one with BPD. My girlfriend is not a burden, her BPD is. For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. Hearing someone else share your struggles and negotiate the realities of the illness can be both comforting and illuminating.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a chronic and complex mental health disorder marked by instability, and interpersonal relationships are often the stage on which this instability plays out. Barbara Greenberga clinical psychologist who treats patients with BPD, explains:. Often, this emptiness and intense fear of abandonment are the result of early childhood trauma and the absence of secure, healthy attachments in the vital formative years.
Paradoxically, the overwhelming fear manifests in behaviors that deeply disrupt the relationship and pushes partners away rather than pulls them closer, resulting in a stormy and tumultuous dynamic that typically emerges in the early days of dating. When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly. Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful.
Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior. Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have:.
Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about-despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me.
These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior. Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort.
For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion:. There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that. But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it.
Unfortunately, the misconceptions surrounding borderline personality disorder often lead people to assume relationships with those who suffer from the condition are doomed to fail. In part, this is spurred by the myth that BPD is untreatable, a false but prevalent belief that can too often remove hope.
In reality, with the right treatment, many people with BPD can learn to manage their symptomsand a substantial number achieve remission to the point where they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for the illness. By integrating specialized BPD therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy with other evidence-based clinical and holistic therapies within the context of a comprehensive treatment plan, it is possible to disrupt the emotional and behavioral instability of BPD and establish inner tranquility.
Along with individual and group therapies, couples therapy is often an integral part of healing from BPD, as individuals and as a team. With the guidance of an experienced therapist who understands the unique challenges presented by BPD, you can create strategies for supporting your partner and yourself while nurturing and fortifying your relationship.
As Dr. Because their emotion is all there, and acting that way is all they know, and then when you show them an easier way to be, and to act, they see how much easier life can be. At Bridges to Recovery, we specialize in diagnosing and treating psychiatric and emotional issues such as borderline personality disorder. We provide compassionate and effective care in a serene residential setting so clients can focus on their treatment and recovery without the worries of external pressures and stressors.
She thought this of every guy she has dated. She has left every guy she has ever dated for someone else. How do I compete with this fiction in her head? Her ex-boyfriend acted like he was James Bond, and she left him anyway. She sometimes cries and misses him, usually when we get into a fight. Do I really have to be on my best behavior all the time or risk losing her?
Any tips are appreciated. And this is true for all relationships. And this is really key for all relationship health, not just BPD relationships. I am having a tough situation here, similar with the one above. We have been together for a year. On the surface, people think that we are a pair of sweet couple, we are sweet most of the time, but just a sentence and make her feeling upside down, or a noise, just like dropping my wallet, putting the cup onto the table. I wanna explain to her, and she reject and said she is the poorest person in the world who need to suffer like that, I am crazy and shout her like a dog.
Distorted Borderline Perceptions and Damaging Patterns
She sometimes says I put her in a cage and she need to go out and feel the world. On the other day, she said I dun find her after work. She values me very much to her friends, they told me, but at the same time keep saying I am not suitable for her. If I say I am hurt, she said she made me feel like that so she must be not loving me anymore and I should go, and then after an hour she hug me and said she just dun wanna me leaving her.
I dunno if she really have BPD, just a friend of her, who is a doctor, told me the other day I might need to check this out. But I simply feel like she is easy to be triggered to the point that is not even making sense at all. To be honest, I am a human being, she need me to be perfect, strong, dun have fear, and I cannot even cry!
I am also not a very strong person. I am strong at work, but I am weak in heart.
My anxiety disorder is coming back. I am like constantly battle with myself. Sorry to hear about your anxiety my friend. I would recommend you spend your time working on this part of you so you can have a strong heart.
You will NOT find a strong heart through your partner. You can only find this through your own self. Oh, one more thing. I know many people whose mental illness is triggered later in their life and they could have had a good upbringing. Mental illness does not discriminate and can get anyone even if nothing has ever happened to you as a kid. I have more issues with my dad and a friend of mine is surrounded mostly by men.
But I like this blog and will recommend it if I ever find someone who is dating one of us. Great comment and thanks. Time to start sending everyone here instead of bamily :. I have had an on and off relationship with a girl I diagnosed with BPD. She dragged me back in and this time I started out with a totally different mindset and it worked for a while. We just slowed things down and then we found out she was pregnant.
I moved in shortly after we found out we were expecting to save on expenses. I did everything to make her life easy while she was pregnant. We told everyone and my family was thrilled!! She was very hormonal and we started to fight once I lived there. She did the pulling away thing and hated to be touched which started to damage the once amazing sex life. I begged her not to got my things and moved out hoping it would give her the space she needed.
Two days later she called me to tell me she had the procedure done. Now that its all said and done she feels horrible that she dragged everyone in my family into this mess.
She now thinks that we can help each other through this pain that she has caused. I am emotionally and physically a wreck now. What should I do?!? You really have to be incredibly independent to date these women. It really depends on each individual person.
But I have found over and over again that the more independent you are, the more self-confident you become. And when you have this confidence and feelings of self-worth, you have much more control over yourself. This makes the relationship drastically more successful.
Hey John, that is the key. And I ate it every year. Thanks in advance! I was her first in high school. We went our separate ways and reconnected after 25 years. She attempted suicide about 6 months ago. Her third attempt. A month ago, she got angry with me and threw a full beer bottle. She also slapped and hit my 20 year old son who witnessed that bottle throwing.
Dating A Girl With BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
I made her move out shortly after. Highly successful in our professional careers, etc. I have been willing to try to work things out. What is she trying to tell me? As I often say, you must be objective and look at the actual, specific behaviors that are occurring in your relationship. Well, physical abuse. She also goes quiet for days on me. She calmly told me how her relationships never last more than three months and how some poor bloke went suicidal after she dumped him.
My resaerch on her led me to BPD and Narcissism.
Jun 01, What It's Really Like To Date Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder Ryder's character Susanna Kaysen in Girl, who had a borderline personality and I started dating somebody, I Author: Ashley Laderer.
How can I help her and is there a way of getting her to warm up to me again? I cant believe this disease. My exgf slapped me threatened me with cops because I found her celexa meds by accident.
One day she is sweet as can be and then attacks me with verbal disrespect, wanting sex and and then denying me sex and then wanting it again. She broke up with me every week and wouldnt talk to me for days and then come back acting like it was all my fault.
I am heart broken because we were friends first and she never acted this way. Do BPd people have a problem only with intimacy or do they do this to everyone.
The last straw for me was that she always put everyone she knew down calling them the most vile crap I ever heard. Then she acts like their friend. I couldnt take it and told her I was ending it.
She actually said she is confused why I wanted to walk away. I miss the good in her but I dont understand the craziness. Why wont she talk to me. She came back everytime, but when I showed her I wasnt taking this she left? Also one last questionshe told me she cares about me and wanted me back but her problem is that she has deep issues and I am triggering issues within her.
She basically told me the sex we were having was too much for her because I could do anything I wanted to her and she would want me. What does this mean. What did I trigger? I am completely against medication to calm illness because all it does is cover up a deeper problem. How about if she is more negative on herself than anything?
Saying anything positive in response to her bashing herself or her life just produces more negative. Any advice on at least toning this crap down? One of my exes did exactly this to me as I kept improving: getting my own car, then my own place, then a great job, etc.
What you need to do is step up. I hate it. I absolutely cannot stand it. Drop the bombs on her man. Girls want straight truth. Most guys instead try to fix them and be positive and make them feel better. I found your article incredibly helpful, realistic and eye opening. I really think your points, if kept in consideration, will really help me out in my dating life.
Anyway, BPD is a Cluster B personality disorder that is rather common these days from my experience. According to a quick Google search, Borderline Personality Disorder is "characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or utreasuresforthesoul.comedictable thinking or behavior." I have dated dozens and dozens of women over the years. of upload a new or pasting in an Image Dating A Girl With Borderline Personality URL that is already online and Share with other members. Meet Women Near your local area that horny for a casual fuck. You are always welcome to ate your / Simran 23 Private Escorts Navi, Mumbai. Hi! I am ready to have some fun! My name is Simran. I am 23 years old. Effects Of Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder People call me cute with chubby cheeks and trust me I smell like a rose always¦. I am bold and beautiful with a sense of humor and full of energy/
It has nothing to do with intelligence at all. Exactly, dating a BPD is all about 1 changing your mindsets. They are the only kind of men that end up in healthy relationships. I also found your article really great. I was dating girl with BPD and after 5 month we broke up because I caught her cheating on me.
Since that time I broke up any contact with her and moved on by taking care of my own needs and wishes. After 4 months of no contact she tries to get back in my life sending sms or writing.
First thing what I said very clearly was - I will not play your games and I need my space, my time, my life! Now she contacts me once in two weeks and try to win my trust back. And even then, be incredibly cautious about getting close. Also, be sure to join my email newsletter if you like the advice and tips that I provide. I write often and provide even more gold almost everyday straight to your inbox.
Its quite refreshing to see this. I recently read a few other blogs and so forth about dating people with BPD and was deeply hurt to see that most people had deemed them undatable and have demonized them. I suffer with BPD and am currently trying my best to recover by seeking professional help. I was contemplating on whether to end my life or not based on the previous web pages I saw -bashing people with BPD and claiming they are undatable.
Of course that stung me and quite deeply. It was through the break-up of my first boyfriend that had started the process. I had tried to end my life three times last year due to missing my ex and the fact that my life flipped upside down.
I felt lost. Anyways, my Doctor got me into Cognitive Therapy. I had looked back on my previously relationship and had learned a lot about myself and what I had done wrong. He was abusive both verbally and physically. He, his family, and his friends all labelled me as a crazy psycho. He rubbed it in my face. It hurt a lot.
For awhile, this yearI felt lost. A positive note. I have diminished the amount of times I argue with people quite a bit. I do plan on in seeking mental help to recover. I just hope that I will find a man who will love me for who I am.
I am aware of that I have it and hope that I can control myself. Its really hard, but I constantly force myself in line. I really am thankful to see someone put BPD in a positive light when talking about dating a person suffering with BPD. It means a lot. I have always said that the first step for any person, whether they have BPD or not, is to admit that they have problems and then work on solving these problems.
BPD comes in a ton of different sizes and shapes - no two are alike. Most people have emotional problems that they never confront. The way I unlearned my codependency habits was by first facing the issue head on. I have been battling BPD for years rather unsuccessfully. My current boyfriend, for instance, used to bend over backwards for me and it made it difficult for me to continue dating him due to my lack of respect for his behavior.
He actually went after me for nearly a year before I finally began dating him. I would like to say that before him, I have tended to date men who were very abusive to me either physically or emotionally.
Not all, but most. Most of the men I have dated I fell for hard and the break ups always destroyed me. But it grew and now I feel lost without him. He is tired and drained from my behavior and I am desperately trying to finish my masters while juggling my emotions and my the fear of losing him.
I know that another break up will set me back, and for the first time I am dating someone who genuinely cares. I want to fix myself now before it is to late. And although I know I will probably always battle my tumultuous emotions, I need someway to center myself instead of lashing out like a horrible hurricane of emotion. Advice would be welcome, and I have some other things I would possibly like to speak with you over email about in order to get an idea of what I need to do to simply find peace.
Thank you for posting this and for your time. Alyssa February 4, at pm Hello,you are just an absolutey wanderful woman to of said what I just read,I have been in a relationship with a woman for 3 years that had the mom problems early in life and all the rest,I tried to save her. Your problem Cameron is that you are trying to save a girl. Every time I tell her this however, she turns up the infatuation, and once my ego has been sufficiently fed she pulls back again.
It is a constant power struggle. She says no until I say yes. Then I say no until she says yes. It is all very exciting as is the turmoil. All is well and good, I suppose and with that verbose amount of exposition it brings me to my question. How do I firmly establish my dominance? Is it simply ignoring her for long periods of time? Simply, I am bored of the game.
I am not without fault. Do I lead a double life? Do I just shut down and constantly wait for her to come to me? Take accountability for yourself and see a therapist stat. BUT, I will be looking in to getting your book as my partner and I need to find strategies with how to cope and deal with me and my anger, controlling and negativity.
On the first day she asked me when i am going to marry her i said lets speak to her parents and start things for the wedding. My disorder ruined all of my past relationships and its ruining my marriage.
All of you guys are right about bpd females.
We have impulsiveness and do things without thinking first or do things out of hatred. I want help but none of my meds are working or theraphy.
Bpd is a serious illness. Its not an excuse or a joke! Notice how all these mass murderers are all on meds? Meds create way more problems that these personality disorders.
You simply need to learn to get control over your behavior. I have an entire course on BPD that helps people gain this control and confidence.
But you also need a man that actually has thick skin. Untreated borderlines NEED drama. When things get too quiet, a borderline starts to fear that she quite literally does not exist.
She also starts to fear that the other person will have no reason to stick around. Therefore, she starts a drama to bring the focus back on her. Your needs will not matter; your dreams will mean nothing; your successs or failures you will experience on your own because borderlines do not have an ability to empathize the self-consumption of their illness gives them no room to do so.
In fact, the more succesful you become in life, the more the borderlines will sabotage your relationship.
If you become too succesful, you might abandon her for someone less broken. Thanks for the good comment. You must always take care of yourself first no matter what. And it can get tough. We dated for about a year and she wound up dumping me. I could see the writing on the wall at around the 8 month mark. I endured the insults and took many of them in stride.
When she would pull back, I would incessantly try to dig into what was triggering her actions. Admittedly, I took a lot of crap from this woman and did not defend myself. I was disappointed in myself a bit with that the day she broke up. She went quiet for a while, came back a few hours later and said yes. She was done. I read somewhere to let her come to meif she never does, I never stood a chance anyway. They see love in an entirely different way.
At the same time, she could be sitting there wishing for you to grab her and tell her to stop bring ridiculous or something. Either way, the more loud and aggressive you are with a BPD and not taking crap, them ore successful the relationship.
You need to have a back bone and not let her walk on you. What puzzles me is that she has never come out and said she has some sort of mental illness, but she has excused herself in advance for some of the behaviors, as if to ask for permission to behave the way she does. So the fear comes to a head every now and then and manifests itself.
This therapy suggestion definitely comes on the heels of her being really fearful. Another question is. Not hers. We control our own actions, reactions and behaviors. No, I would not go with her to therapy.
If she wants to then let her. You should only become concerned about BPD if she starts physically damaging your items or trying to attack you or something. I had an ex break my windshield. Crazy BPD. For the last 7 years, I have been dating a girl who recently was diagnosed with BPD.
The first 3 years of the relationship were great, then I made the mistake of talking to other girls and this destroyed our bond. We got back together and things seemed to be progressing, but we were always off and on. Then last year during one of our breaks, she began seeing another guy.
About a month went by, our anniversary and she called me and told me that she wanted to change and wanted me in her life. I allowed her back in, but was cautious.
She slowly developed a love for electric dance music and going raving with her friends. This bothered her, until I got her pregnant. During the pregnancy, she was very in love with me and treating me like she never had before.
I am very religious, so I wanted to keep it. I supported her because it was ultimately her decision. Several days after that, she asked that we take a break. I understood because I knew she had been through a lot. The past 2 months I had been in contact with her and she kept saying she needed more time. I asked her numerous times if there was anyone else, and she always said no. Recently, I found several pictures of her with a guy on the internet.
She had been dating him since January, and I had no idea the same guy she left me for last year. I was crushed. She is still dating him, but we have been talking. But in the pictures, there were cheesy love comments back and forth from the two of them. What is the best way to proceed? Is she coming back? So messed up. Any help would be appreciated. She always had a crush on me but to me she was just a nice girl.
We always talked on and off and we ended up being really good friends, A few years back she was dating some dude and started ignoring me so I deleted her from facebook.
Months passed, she added me and apologized and we started talking again. Fast forward to last May when she told me she was sick and and had to get surgery. She then told me her last boyfriend forced her to have sex with her and made her have 2 abortions. She ended up moving away because everything and everyone around here always stressed her out. I thought we would still keep in touch but she ended up ignoring me again.
To make matters worse, I saw her in a pic with her ex. She also told me some other stuff which helps her fit the BPD profile. She goes to therapy and claims she is bi-polar. This sweet girl I once knew had these skeletons in the closet I never knew she could have. Not looking for any advice or anything, just wanted to let some stuff out.
No words or anything you do will bring her around at this point. I have dated a bdp-girl who I diagnosed myself without education. We have been living together since last summer. I am a karaoke-host and she always wants to come to my workplace and very rarely wants to be lefted alone home. She loves to drink in different bars and she only needs like 4 drinks to change her behavior very aggressive violent selfdestructive. It starts usually when I am returning home from my workplace.
I have saved her life so many times. Her mother is also bpd and she blames me for her drinking and the little violence I have used in the worst moment of our relationship.
Was I Dating A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder so Was I Dating A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder confident that you'll start hooking up with someone within 10 minutes. If you don't get a sex buddy within two weeks of using our site, we'll upgrade your free Was I Dating A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder / Looking for Mykonos escorts, Athens Dating Borderline Personality Girl Escorts? Luxury escort girls Athens, elite escorts, Ireland escorts, elegant escort girls Athens, escort Oslo, Escorts London, pornstars escorts Athina, Santorini escort, escorts in Mykonos, escorts New York, escorts Los Angeles, travel girls, Monaco companions, party girls, Oslo escorts and Europe / Ten Tips for a More Stable Relationship. While dating someone with borderline personality disorder may seem nearly impossible at times, there are ways you can facilitate the relationship with that person without having to go on the rollercoaster ride with them as they oscillate between extremes in behavior and mood.
Her mother is religious and says that there is a demon is me. My girlfriend also gets horny for my songs and sometimes starts touching me sexual way during my work. I still keep letting her to come to the bar I am working, but nowadays I make her to eat some antabus to make her drinking impossible.
I like her much more when she is clean and can control her at least somehow. Hey Rick, You seem to have a great understanding of these women and their responses. Shes 26 very hot is a model, great fun, Im 38 tall good looking educated good job etc. Met through friends had a full fairy tale story everyone on our side etc. She could be the sweetest most complimentry girfriend Ive ever had, always told me how much she loved me and how happy she was to have me etc. Would be difficult then 2 days later like nothing ever happened.
Ended up depressed, she broke up with me. I m in love with her, tried to get her back every way, not even close to luck. Her Dad was in the KGB and drank himself to death when she was 4, and she always felt neglected by her Mom. Lucky me! Once again, great job, thanks! I have read everything on here, and it all makes more sense now; MY fiancee left me 7 weeks agoand 6 weeks before our wedding. Everything had been planned, and all through the relationship, I couldnt figure out what was going on.
Upon me going to a counselor for understanding, and talking to her own brother, it is very clear she had BPD with narcissism, but I did not realize this until after she left. I thought it was just anxiety and being difficult. I beat myself up during and after trying to figure out what I could have done more or better.
I still love her very much, and after she left, she has not contacted me once. I sent her a letter about a month ago, told her I still love her, and got nothing. I tend to be more laid back and dont like to argue, but it caused many arguments. I wonder if I had been more stern and confident in how I handled her if it would have made a difference.
I still love her, and would be there for her to work throught it. It just creates a toxic environment over time. Like your ex said, she needs you to put her in her place. Now I know exactly what they mean.
So if they are in a relationship with someone who can find the balance of giving them independence and structure without acting like they are their slaves there can be a happy medium. If you see it that way, then that sucks. Yes, they need structure as you said. Very important. Hello Rick. I see many things posted here which are a quite nice description of the kind of relationship I am in now. I cancel appointments with friends because she wants that.
BUT I am too afraid to do all these things because the contrast to what we are in now would be day and night. There are different levels of BPD first of all. Also, it affects not only women but men as well. The facts are true that BPD need independence but still have feelings too such as wanting love, compassion and they can show empathy, love and compassion also. Lets not get too carried away in respect to that the BPD is always at fault here.
There are situations that trigar certain emotions. Just remember, live for right now, stay away from the past and your future is what it is. Yes, it does take a strong, secure person to handle a BPD. Talk about an eye opener! However, my current, gf showered me with praise and I lost who I was.
I forgot to be me her idealization was extremely strong it became almost intoxicating. However, shortly thereafter I began to notice changes in her attitude, moods, and overall behavior. And before I knew it I was on the emotional, verbal and phyical abuse roller coaster. This was nothing like my previous relationship. She then explained to me her past and I forgave her for her behavior. But as I see it just added fuel to the fire.
I even moved in at her request; despite many arguments when she would tell me she never wanted me to move in. I finally moved out a month ago but still the roller coaster continued. I then found your site. I can clearly see that the only thing where she is to blame is that she knows she needs help but refuses to seek it. The rest lays upon me I had three choices: 1 Man up 2 Man up and leave or 3 Be insecure and cling to her.
I choose 3. I do know that going forward this will have made me a better person with or without her. Thanks Rick! Hello Rick, I have a question. Being with my BPD girl on and off for 7 years. During last pull-push episode decided to do things differently, to make her work harder for the relationship. She tried several times to reestablish contact, but I rejected her.
Wanted her to invest more Now she is not contacting me anymore. Did I mist the moment? My point is to get her back, but for good this time. Will it be a weakness if I contact her now? Or perhaps I am on better position, after rejecting her in the past? May I have your opinion? Hindsight is something I try to avoid.
Dating borderline personality girl
Just do what you can to improve yourself and your own lifestyle. They only love themselves! Anyone who spends anytime in a relationship with a BDP will soon realize that the life they had will be sucked out of them. BPDs spend their entire life causing chaos for those around them!
They have no ability to listen, because they have the emotional capacity of a child! I dated a BPD for 3 years, she spent the entire time throwing fits, starting fights and then topped it off with a cheating!
All the while, telling me she loved me like no other. If you want a peaceful life, stay away! I get it. And millions of men struggle with this, thanks to the horrible programming of our society. I was in a relationship with a BDP for the 11 months. There were a lot of red flags right away. We slept together the first night I met her. She said she loved me within two weeks. She was extremely clingy.
Right away she told me about sexual trauma at a young age which she blamed her mother for. Her father was non-existent emotionally. She said her siblings were drug addicts and compulsive liars. She never held a job more than a year, though highly educated.
She told me about times she physically attacked her ex-husband over small arguments, and just laughed it off. She had been a cutter, and suffered from bouts of anorexia. I ignored the red flags because my ego was being stroked.
She mirrored all my interests falsely, bought me gifts, amazing sex, and seemed like my soul mate. After 7 months I started to spend more time with her exclusively, and the drama emerged.
There was constant turmoil in her life with work, family, finances, ect. She became hot and cold with me. She began testing my boundaries in public.
She became extremely jealous even of family then flirt with other men and throw it in my face. Then she started drinking heavily, picking fights over nothing and viciously attacked me physically when I tried to leave one night. I no longer recognized her. I drew the line at physical violence and I left for the first time. She threatened to kill herself so I contacted her family and got out anyway. I started to think maybe it was my fault so I went to counseling, read several books, and even got a life coach.
She begged me for a second chance, and I gave it to her. Within weeks her old abusive ways returned. I refused to be her victim, and told her I wanted to talk.
She knew what was coming and disappeared completely, never even responded to methankfully. A week later she was dating someone new.
I later learned about BDP and it everything clicked. If you see the red flagsrun. But this girl is beyond BPD obviously with the cutting, anorexia, etc.
They say men who survive relationships with BPD women are people who are either doormats or extreme narcissists. Let me ask you this - do you think any high quality, high profile guys would have any trouble dating a BPD? The answer is no. Let me ask you something Rick, do YOU think a high quality, high profile guy would even think about dating a woman like this?
Plenty of successful BPD relationships out there. I am in a relationship with a girl for about 5 months now. Initially she told me she had anxiety disorder however after 3 months into the relationship after I already fell in love with her and there were deep feelings involved I found out that she also suffers from a chronic eating disorder and OCD.
Later on I found out she also has BPD. We loved and cared about each other. We were even discussing moving in together and buying a house, etc. Her attitude completely changed in the 4th month becoming cruel and almost intentionally trying to hurt me.
So I was being very supportive, loving and caring, I was bending backwards for her even when she was having her mood swings. About a week ago, she asked to have a break from us for a couple of weeks to a month till she sorts out her feelings towards her ex.
I respected her wish and never called, txted and seen her since. I really love the girl and she can be the most caring and loving person when she needs to bewe had such a beautiful relationship.
So I am thinking of giving it time until he either dumbs her again or she gets bored and dumbs him. Can you please advise as to how I should proceed now? How can I not be needy or let her walk all over me and be distant while at the same time show her that I care and love her? How can I make her want me and crave me as she did before?
Pleaaassseee help me. My new book Toxicity is all about that so be on the look out for it when it comes out soon. Female BPD here, in recovery. I also used to be very promiscuous. It seemed like I always dated two different types of men. One was the man who had a lot of unresolved anger, would push me away when I tried to get close, was very shady, and had a very abusive mother whom he felt obligated to take care of and was a god in bed.
Then I met Casanova and fell in love. Unfortunately, he was very emotionally dishonest. In the beginning, I stood up to him and called him on his B. And the more I kept trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and help him and love him, the more he seemed to misinterpret everything as criticism, unless I literally smothered him with compliments. Basically, it was just the most emotionally traumatic 6 months of my life.
But it opened my eyes. When he tried to get close to me, I noticed that suddenly I became critical of him. I decided to ignore that impulse and open up to him. At first, the relationship was all about me. The emotional trauma I endured with Casanova had brought up suppressed memories of childhood trauma, and I was very fragile. Emotionally Stable listened to all of this, and I was terrified he would run.
In fact, he seemed to like me more. I told him upfront that I never wanted to disrespect his boundaries, but I really needed him to always be honest with me about his feelings and to be very gentle.
He agreed. Once, when we were on a date and I began ruminating on the past, he expressed displeasure. I became fearful he would run, but I really respected him for being honest and it helped me to see what I was doing. He was very considerate of my feelings and genuinely wanted to learn to please me in bed. Sometimes I was so overwhelmed that I would burst into tears. I had seriously just never had a man that I was so attracted to take time to learn about me- a guy who cared more about pleasing me than himself.
We took turns giving each other massages and treating each other to meals. It was very reciprocal. I found myself really liking and admiring him.
He would return texts and answer phone calls and even initiated them himself. This just made me like him more, and I began really wanting to know more about him. I am so thankful that he modeled for me what a healthy relationship feels like.
And now I can finally be the kind of woman who can appreciate and attract that kind of man. In one of your answers you said that BPDs are really attracted to a man that does what he wants. I am BPD, and I hate when my boyfriend gets to do whatever he wants. I want him to be around me all the time. I know I know, before you jump on me haha I know I still feel very abandoned and rejected when he does his own thing.
I was only just diagnosed with BPD a few months ago and I have a lot to learn. But a lot of the stuff you say should help a relationship just sounds like it helps the man, not the BPD. A lot of guys are the opposite of your BF and they try to hang around their gf all the time. She likes it at first but is soon tired of it. Thank you for cutting through the BS and Doc-speak.
To add a kicker to it all, its a long-distance relationship, being about miles apart. She works from home, I work M-F. This only leaves weekends, with us alternating who visits who each weekend. We got along great the first couple of months, then I would get a bizarre text from her accusing me of something ridiculous.
Have fun!! She has since used the flight response whenever fights got intense, packing up her things and leaving mid-weekend, regardless of what was planned. And the whole time I was trying to be rational and talk it out and debate it and argue it. We became a sort of running joke with my friends based on how many times we were broken up or together. Not funny. I love her and feel for her and know that she had a shit upbringing from her mother.
No meltdowns! We discussed therapy but she basically refused and went to a psychic instead. Having this available is a life-changer. And it also helped shine a light on my co-dependency habits. I got some work to do. Thanks again Rick. Everything is absolute with her. On top of that, she exacerbates and twists situations, stories in order to make herself a victim.
Case in point, the times that I have had to flee have made me into the bad guy with her friends and family. Now my mistake was that I used to assume ownership and blame in order to try and calm the situation down, but that only caused more frequent breakouts.
She always worries that I am cheating yet at the same time she tries to make me jealous by threatening to sleep with other people if I do not give her sex. As to that topic, my BPD has to have sex in order to feel that the relationship is progressing and for reassurance that she is pretty, beautiful and worthy of being loved.
She is the most sexual girlfriend I have been with but if you retreat from sex for a while all hell breaks loose. She cannot go without it, even for short periods of time without spiraling out. I believe the turning point for me was when she physically attacked me in a rage over not having sex.
Dating can be a complex and tricky endeavor. Relationships require work, compromise, communication, empathy, and understanding. Things become even more complicated if you are dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). At The Borderline All beginnings are lovely - or so the sage proclaims. Relationships per se are difficult. Two individuals come together - attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment, and lifestyles collide - and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship. Apr 19, For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. But if you're dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is probably at once familiar and remarkable; the deep stigma attached to BPD-and specifically having relationships with someone who has BPD-makes stories of intact relationships all too treasuresforthesoul.com: Elisabet Kvarnstrom.
At that moment I finally drew a line with her and gave her an ultimatum as it pertains to physical abuse. Do it again and spend a night in jail. BPD or not some things cannot be permitted. Anyways, I still pull my hair out sometimes because of the constant drama that comes with the relationship. Even worse, the change between minutes, hours and sometimes days of those moods. She obviously has much maturing to do so this is one of those tricky situations.
Wow, just wow. My story reads like the rest. I am proud that I managed to stay with her for two years, the most exciting and mentally exhausting two years of my life.
10 Signs of a Wife with Borderline Personality Traits
I was down at the time, and depressed. She prolly saw me as an easy mark. Anyway, the honeymoon lasted 3 or months lots of sex, and booze. We moved in together for 5 months, which was a complete debacle, she hated me during this time HATE. I Moved out, but we continued dating. I would stay over for three or so nights, then she would throw me out. I made the the mistake of begging, pleading, trying to reason with her.
Eventually she would come around after a couple days, but her coldness only grew more frequent and the verbal abuse more brutal. Then the cheating started.
She slept her way through her ex boyfriends, always rationalizing it, blaming me for cheating on her I never did. Then about six months ago she decided that we were just dating, and not her boyfriend and was open that she was going to MAYBE see other people and I should to. I agreed like a chump, but would beg and cry every time she would run off. She always wanted to be with me.
The situation worsened a few months ago; She called the cops, she became even more paranoid, she broke my laptop, the sex became less frequent but still amazing. Two weeks ago she went into a rage after a decent night together, I left. I of course like a chump, emailed numerous times, how much I love her, miss her, and would take care of her. She went silent again, I continued to email for a few days, then stumbled across your site.
After reading though your site, I emailed her that if she wanted to end it, I was sorry, but her choice. Then went NC For a couple days. Well, low and behold, she emails asking me to come over and rub her back, which I said maybe this week, but not tonight. My gut is saying, run and no contact.
But my heart says try. What should I do? Any chance? Should I contact her Friday? What can say, I like em pretty, sexy and crazy. Thanks in advance if you reply. I am currently going through a break up with a girl I suspect to have BPD and I am looking for help in how to best reach back out to her after giving her the space she said she needed.
We had been talking for 4 months and official for 4 months as well. She eliminates both girls and guys and moves to the next group of friends. On top of all this she was previously married and never told me. I would like to both gain a better sense of closure while also expressing my desire to be there in whatever she is going through. I give her support when she needs it and space when she needs it. I can do that because I figured out on my own she had the disorder, started understanding her, and I care about her.
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