Seems dating a stable guy valuable information
Posted in Dating
He has to prioritize his life goals. First comes a career, then marriage, and then maybe babies. Part of marriage is having a financial partnership and men are designated through normative gender-roles to be the primary bread-winner. Also, not being able to afford a ring will definitely post-pone getting a ring. A man wants to be the man they want to be before they fully let a woman into their life. If a woman is seeking to raise a family, being financially stable is extremely beneficial and will give the child a better life.
Generally speaking, educated people should be able to have better intellectual conversations if they were able to actually get something from it other than their job. Looking for a well-paid educated man might just be that she wants a guy she can take back home and not feel ashamed to show her parents. They might not want your money, they just want you to make more money than them.
These are desirable and attractive characteristics in a man. A guy with a mediocre job or bumming it at home, even if he is smart, never fully applied himself. That makes him seem lazy, and laziness is a libido killer. Nobody wants a lazy sexual partner or domestic partner for that matter. Two unattractive qualities. They may not want your money they just want to be able to brag about how much money you have to their friends.
Girls think who they are with is in some way a reflection of themselves. So if you look really good, it makes them look better. Happy, positive people are generally preferred to mopey and negative. Why should a woman do this for free?
Her service comes at a cost. If she truly believes in the doctrine of traditional gender roles, then her doing her part makes it reasonable for her to expect that a man will do his. That being, bringing home the bacon. Every woman is entitled to having standards, money being one of them. Have you heard the news? Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.
You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. You have to be self re. Wow, I had no idea that having no ambition means you are worthless, have no character, and have no purpose in life. Character has nothing to do with money, job or ambition. What these women lack is wisdom. A few of them quit their professional jobs, lawyers and doctors btw. In the end these men decided to quit their job and work in a different profession.
I also remember a lawyer with a forum post. He made a lot of money. He worked so much just to have the latest new things and still have money to invest. He came to realize he was unhappy and decided to cut his hours. He decided to work to live not to slave to money. If money is your end goal for happiness you will very disappointed.
This is the kind of advice I wish more men would take, actually. It is so difficult to find women who are fiscally responsible and have goals that lead to any kind of income stability or wealth accumulation. In addition, many women are saddled with substantial student loan debt, and in some cases, substantial credit card debt. So many men would be happy to settle down with these types of women, and I can think of more than a few instances where the man actually paid off her debts.
Both of these conditions would have to be present. It is much MUCH harder to find a fiscally responsible woman than it is to find a fiscally responsible man. That is so sexiest! Men are better at handling money than women. Why is that? Please explain McLovin. Men spend their money on what matters to them, like cars, sports, entertainment, recreational, etc. But since men have traditionally been the bread winners, and women home makers, they just naturally have more insight on what it takes to be fiscally responsible?
Many men I know have spent thousands of dollars on fender guitars, motorcycles, nice cars, and trips with their buddies. Oh, and beer. Who usually pay for dates?
Who pays for marriages? A motorcycle is cheaper than a car and better on gas. A guitar can make money if you play at a club. Women have nice cars too so what.
I have two exes and a girlfriend who are like this. Clare, with respect, please read carefully. No generalization is being made. Anyone can make gross and insulting generalizations. Hold the phone. Where are all these men who are looking for responsible women and settling for spendy bimbos instead? In my dismal corner of the dating universe, men are turned on by flaky chicks who need to be rescued. Most of my female friends take the same approach to life that I do, and like me, they have no trouble getting dates.
2. He's moody.
But when these men find out that we are gainfully employed and are looking for a partner and not a sugar daddy, they disappear. If you are independent and can leave at any time, they are held to a higher standard - that of partner. They have to dominate. I can say my fiscal responsibility enabled me to rattle the cage in my abusive marriage, and unlock the cage and leave. I think this is just your experience.
I work with several women who support or are at least the bigger bread winners in their homes. Their husbands, who have always made less are generally happy based on what I see. Stereotypes usually have merit or truth, but when you auto-cast everyone into ityou primarily harm yourself.
What they thought was going to happen instead, I have no idea. I have great news for you: when you adjust for work type and work amount, the gender pay gap essentially vanishes. As a professional woman myself, I am self supporting and independent. Grow up boys. Women are getting degrees at higher rates than men now. We are coming out of the shadows and expect you to stand on equal ground. Not higher. Not lower, just equal.
On the flip side of this, I also met a man who posted nothing but his very high salary on his profile.
12 Reasons Women Seeking Men With A Good, Stable Job Don't Mean She's A Gold-Digger
No likes, hobbies, politics, picture, no description of any kind. I find it amusing that men still expect money to open doors for them, but then resent the women they attract with it. You claim you want equality but true equality means men have a right to be what they want to be including a lack of financial bread-earning not what you have decided they must be to please you. Lol Chance, u made the mistake of making a more general negative comment about women, on a blog mainly for women.
Personally in my own experience, I do find that men are less extravagant in their spending in relation to their income, so I have some agreement with u there. As there are plenty of other women who are nothing like the women you describe, I conclude that you keep picking the women with the same flaws. You are the common denominator here. You said when you were dating as in the past tense so maybe you have found a long term partner who is different.
I guess I was pretty good at screening the bad ones out. But man, looking around at the other couples I know, those ladies can really blow through some money. I think twinkle is right in that a lot of men will put up with these types of women if they look good enough, so these guys are definitely contributing to the problem.
When I take a lunch break during the work week, there would likely be a lot less women in the cafe sipping their two-hour lattes between tennis and yoga if their husbands actually held them accountable. It makes him feel like a great provider and he can complain boast to his friends about how much of his money she spends, which is a way of telling his friends that he can afford it.
Anyway, I wish I could take a two hour lunch during the work week, I only get an hour. Perhaps there would be fewer men spying on women for two hours at the cafe, and making assumptions if bosses would hold more men accountable. I must live in a completely different Universe than you, because in my world, most PEOPLE exercise financial responsibility, but I have seen a handful of people, both men and women make some poor financial decisions.
Something you said is extremely rare for women. Do some research Chance, I have not seen any studies that show that there are extreme difference when it comes to men and women and money management.
I think there are two main reasons younger men still allow this type of thing. The second reason is, of course, sex.
Hey Steve: Waiting for His Financial Stability -- STEVE HARVEY
The second reason is all on men as they are most definitely contributing to the problem in this regard. Who knows? There are certainly other possibilities: they could go home first to berate the nanny, or they could go to the doggie bakery. Also, debutante season is upon us, so they could be going to pick out dresses for their daughters. However, surely you can come up with something better than comparing my posts on this subject to another poster on another subject who directly presented something as fact when, apparently, she had no evidence to support it.
Will you sling comments in her direction that are as equally critical as the ones you threw in mine? Sorry, MikeTo, but you are making blatantly false generalizations. Both men and women overspend. My boyfriend had three motorcycles at one point. And a brand new BMW. And, not every guy who has a guitar plays at clubs. My boyfriend has 2 fender guitars expensive.
The ONLY reason he has more money saved is because his parents paid for his undergraduate degree, and he has been working. If you date a woman who is not dependent on you she will expect you to up your game, have something worthwhile to say, be equally supportive.
I just love it when men limit their choices to the pampered, primped and perfect princesses out of their own insecurity and then complain that all women are princesses. I think one source of confusion is that a lot of women seem to think that if they pay their bills on time and maintain a high credit score, it means that they are financially responsible. The later you are in life whilst dating, the more you should consider this in choosing your partner, in my opinion.
I think women like to tell each other this because it makes them feel better when a man is not interested in them. Most men love it when a woman brings something to the table. Establishing any career. If you disagree with this concept then you probably reside within the vicinity of a very liberal college.
I actually agree with Chance on this issue. If men adhered to the same standards as the two female posters above then virtually no one would get together or make it to the phase of long-term dating. Shaukat, do we agree?
I may have not made my point very clearly. What I was trying to say is that men should follow the same advice that EMK is giving this woman, which is to avoid dating people who are financially irresponsible and have no drive or direction.
There are exceptions, of course, such as a failed business venture or a loss of job that results in financial instability where responsible saving habits cannot even fully mitigate potential negative outcomes.
Well, you know that I agree with you. Evan tells women to look for husbands of fine character and for men to look for wives who make them feel good. I know that women of poor character and that includes being irresponsible with money can make a guy feel great.
Hi Henriette, does Evan actually tell men to look for wives who make them feel good? I know that he points out to women that men usually go for women who make them feel good, and that women should make men feel appreciated, etc. I assumed you might have been talking tongue in cheek.
Look, I agree that financial irresponsibility is a problem when it leads someone to burden another for an extended period of time, and when financial support leads to a mentality of entitlement on the part of the individual receiving the support. In my view, passion for something is far more important than financial success, and the two are not synonymous with one another.
Your passion may lead you to riches, or it may not. Fair enough. Chance, with respect, if some man wants to pay off the debts of a woman if it will help her to become his wife and that is what he wants, who are you to have a say in the matter?
I know people who are bad with money who are otherwise extremely kind, wonderful people - in fact they often got themselves into a bit of debt from being too generous.
Did I say I wanted a say in the matter? Why are you so offended by observations? But hey, kudos to them. I have always paid for my own nails, hair, apartments, clothes, shoes, bags etc. I could never depend on a man to do much of anything for me.
Add to that growing up without a dad. I am not a woman that got doted on or taken to nice places by men. And while I know that my life and its challenges are ultimately MY responsibilty,someone that loves me should want to assist in any way that they can.
I have no degree yet im in school nowschool loan debt, bad credit, tax issues, no bank account and no savings. Now, I also have not ever dated a guy that made more money than me, even though I now only make 30k and plan to make waaaay more.
LOL but that was indeed the case. I am also finding that men are more attached to their careers than women.
Why do you think dates are still a social norm? So while women can and do make their own money, in case of emergencies, child care, life expenses etc, women like to insure stability and security in relationships through properly maintaining and accruing finances. Or when my car broke down and neither of us could afford to get it fixed. These things would put a stressful strain on any couple. In essence, I think that it boils down to resources and how you choose to share those resources with the ones that you love.
Love is priceless. But it unfortunately does not pay any bill. Rents and the cost of living in urban areas are crazy. Roommates are essential not an option, particularly for those who barely scrape by on their wages.
luckygal. I'm in almost the exact situation. I'm 31, dating a 26 year old guy. He's incredibly sweet and generous to me and almost too into me (we have known each other for a while as friends and he's recently been pushing for a sexual/exclusive relationship), hard working at his very low paying job that makes him happy, but only really has ambitions to make maybe 30K a year or lower. This channel is dedicated to honest advice for break ups, reconciliation, attraction and dating. I aim to make content that is engaging, enlightening and ent. 12 Reasons Women Seeking Men With A Good, Stable Job Don't Mean She's A Gold-Digger. By Monica Adrian, April 9th It's pretty rare you'd find a girl who is willing to have sex with a guy she doesn't have any emotional feelings for just so she can have some nice dinners and maybe a few shopping trips. He's Only Dating You For.
That said, I think too many people in their 20s live beyond their means. Eating Ramen noodles and NOT going clubbing are seen as tortures they avoid. When I was struggling, I ate Ramen noodles night after night. Lived in the cheapest apt I could find that was close to work.
Bills got paid before I did, meaning no luxuries unless I had extra money. Not more than a couple hundred bucks, but I had one. I only used my credit card when there was no other choice, like for unexpected car repairs, and I paid off the credit cards as fast as I could. Most men are happy dating a hot waitress with a high school education. Most women need a man with financial stability to provide and protect the family. Thanks Brit. Works the same for both sexes.
Both sexes look for the best they can get in the opposite sex. The only difference is, men needing sex more than women on the average will quickly settle. A wOman with a good job and close friends has no need to settle especially if God bless her she already has a kid or two. Successful women hold all the cards of they can learn to be humble, respectful and more feminine.
It takes a certain kind of personality to go that far professionally as a woman and some of not most feminine gets lost in the midst of all that education. What do you have to offer to a successful man? No sane man will date a woman who is only into money. Why would a guy need to date when he can get woman easily.
He would expect women to pay their own way dutch. Shaukat: my two long-term relationships were with lovely guys who are educated, can carry on intelligent conversation are kind and supportive. Neither has assets, savings or smart investments.
Alas, this turned out to be highly relevant. But, both of them were dreamers and at some point being with someone who has no idea about money or what it actually costs to maintain a middle class lifestyle makes one feel as though one is with a clueless child rather than with a responsible man.
But what does that mean as far as the pursuing? Does that make it okay for her to pursue, since she is financially stable and probably making more than most guys? I only wish I had it 16 years ago when I was dating.
Evan, you should be getting some kind of rewards for doing what I consider a public service. There is soooo much bad dating advise out there. One is now happily married a medical doctor who chose a wonderful, kind-hearted but less educated man and another one is in a relationship an accountant dating an adoring and caring car mechanic. To throw another ct into the debate. You have 2nd time arounders like myself. I obviously still love my husband and will always hold him in my heart.
But most men in my age bracket have had prior marriages. I have yet to come across a fellow widower so mostly divorced. One guy I was dating was heavy in debt from a bad property decision in his marriage and still paying it off. He also likes to buy a coffee everyday regardless of his circumstances. Extermely hard working. Great qualities. The next guy lost his house in divorce is renting and paying child support.
Both can contribute minimally financially if we moved in or married so I have to decide whether to overlook them because they may never be financially stable.
I am in a similar situation I am 46, divorced, no kids. The man I have been with for nearly a year is 50 with 3 kids. He has a foreclosure against his credit and horrible financial habits. I have a credit score over and significant investments, so hearing about how he handles his finances and bills literally gives me a stomach ache. I envision a future where I am retired at 60 and can travel - and all of my planning and savings and k contributions since I was in my twenties will get me to that goal.
We have a great time together, he treats me like gold and says he would do anything for me. The take away from my cursory online research was that there is no clear superior gender in regards to managing finances. I did not find ONE article that said that majority of women were extremely financially irresponsible and that the majority of men were extremely financially irresponsible.
I did not find ONE article that put either gender in the superior camp financially. I think the stereotype of all females as careless shop-aholics, racking up debt and then looking for a sugar daddy to bail them out is just that, a well worn out stereotype with no basis in truth.
Fodder for men on mysogynist websites.
And as far as I am concerned, student debt is not a character problem, but a far reaching problem with our current economy.
Also, my observations are pretty much inline with what I found online. I have seen men and women of all income levels who seemed to demonstrate average to excellent financial management, and I have seen people of both genders and varying incomes who were very careless with their money.
Financially responsible, financially stable women are not as rare a you portray them to be. Sometimes people go through a period of financial irresponsibilty in their youth, learn their lesson, but it takes a while to get out from under, etc. Also, I think managing finances WELL, is sometimes a skill more than an indicator of a superior character. Also, someone lacking other skills would end up paying more for someone else to do it.
For the record, I have a low-middle class income, but I am financially stable. I left home right after high school and was completely self supporting when single, and contributed financially to both marriages. I have a good credit rating, own a nice home, own my car free and clear, and have a modest but adequate K.
I also realize that one big major disaster could take it all away, so when I count my lucky stars, my financial stability is among them.
Jul 23, Dating takes time and money. What's a hard-working, single man to do? There are so many unemployed and underemployed men these days. For . Oct 19, 3. When it comes to cracking jokes, he's really thin-skinned. A guy who's stable can deal with a little teasing at his expense. If he flips out because you joked about his hair or his taste in Author: Ossiana Tepfenhart. Maybe you met this guy a month ago, or you have been in a long-term relationship. But along the way something changed and your boyfriend isn't who he once was. The person you fell in love with.
The women are flawed, not the clingy men I am glad you found a partner with whom you have compatible views of money management. Do you run credit checks on them, ask them their income, check their closets for excessive shoes and clothes and look at their receipts prior to dating them?
My observation is that men who accuse women whom they hardly know of being irresponsible spenders are just men who are extremely cheap. Rather than just copping to the fact that they are stingy penny pinching tightwads, they make the woman out to be some careless spender if she so much as treats herself to a manicure. I once dated a man who was extremely cheap.
Dating a stable guy
I know it sounds strange, but I really liked him, found him very attractive, and we really did have a lot of fun together. I saw that as something that could be a real relationship problem. I was living in a studio apartment, driving a Nissan Sentra, and living well within my means, but he made SNIDE remarks about every little luxury I had.
My only debt was car payment. I had ample savings. Never a day late on the rent or utils. He even made a snide comment about the expensive camera I bought YEARS before we met, with my high school graduation money.
In his mind, ANY non-necessity purchase is careless spending. In my mind, once my bills are paid, money is set aside for emergencies, into the retirement fund, etc. I earn the money, I get to decide how to spend it, after meeting my obligations. The final straw was when I was very sick. He was very sweet and brought me chicken soup, over the counter meds, etc. It was actually very endearing that he came over and took care of me. The strep culture came back negative thankfully but at least I could get some powerful prescription drugs that eased the symptoms much better than Sucrets and Chicken soup.
After that, I just kind of did the slow fade cowardly I know, I was younger than When we were together, one of my girl friends could see that I really liked him, except for this ONE thing, and kept saying I should TALK to him about his money-control issues, and in hindsight, I wish I did. I respect it. I am not condoning differing standards for men than women as you are implying.
I once went on about 7 dates with a man that was executive level. I offered to pay for a taco dinner on the 2nd visit to that same restaurant. He was telling me how he used to take ex girlfriends on shopping trips to high end stores, etc.
So, he was either a broke high earner, telling sob stories to for whatever reason or testing me. Whatever the reason, it was annoying and I lost interest with a lack of effort. I later found out that a friend of mine had connected with him also on Match. He gave her the same sob story. She only met him for coffee the one time this was before I met him and never contacted him back, as she had the same impression.
I love treating my boyfriend on occasion. He is not a high earner. We also cook together or will contribute. Comedy Clubs, Football Games. It was interesting hearing from another woman that also had that same gut feeling. One of my own classmates was killed - yes, killed - by her husband because she was promoted faster than he was. And honestly?